Gravity, fear and friendship

22 Apr

in the air‘I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
Till I’m free
Oh, Lord, through the revolution’
Steve Miller, Fly Like an Eagle

in the air 2in air 3 

with canopy IMG_2937     coming in to landlandingOMG .. we really did it!  Niki and I threw ourselves out of a plane and found friendship. I am counting my blessings that Niki stepped up to my twitter cry for help and offered to skydive with me. With the benefit of hindsight I don’t know how I’d have managed without her.

Niki and Dave

Niki and Dave

What can I tell you about Niki? Well clearly she’s amazing.  One of the warmest, bubbliest and most lovely people I’ve ever met.  She has done a series of fundraising challenges, including running the Edinburgh marathon and trekking the Great Wall of China to raise money for Bowel Cancer UK.  She started this after her friend James died of bowel cancer aged 28.  Her remarkable support is a moving reminder that cancer affects more than just the patient.  Having met on twitter (you can find her @nikinom) a year earlier, I felt instantly blessed to have her and her boyfriend Dave with me along with my husband and daughter. What made it easy was that she understood and shared my motivation to take action.  We also shared misgivings about what we were embarking upon.

The whole skydiving experience was incredibly emotional right from the outset.  It was a perfect beautiful sunny day but I was reduced to tears by messages of support from patients and those who have lost loved ones and whose grief is still so raw.  My dear friend Lesley’s comment (Laura’s mum) on this blog quite frankly finished me off but it also made me even more determined.

We can do this!

We CAN do this!

Niki and I met at the airfield which was in a beautiful countryside location just outside Swindon.  We signed all the relevant disclaimer forms and then waited until we were called for training!   The training was brief but we chuckled our way through it, lying on your tummy in a field practising free fall positions is a bit random after all.

Practising my free fall position with Matt

Practising my free fall position with Matt

Niki looking glam!

Niki looking glam!

We laughed as we struggled into our ‘boiler’ suits and at our deeply unflattering hats and eventually just held hands as we climbed to 10,000 feet in a plane that felt too small to be in the air.

Quite frankly everything felt wrong… being in a plane with 5 blokes (the pilot, two tandem partners and two cameramen) telling unrepeatable jokes full of sexual innuendo whilst strapped to one of them and eventually sitting on their knee, with another resting in-between our knees was certainly ‘cosy’.  Add that we were preparing to jump out of a perfectly (well reasonably) good plane as well, then it definitely felt counter-intuitive to all we had learnt about safety during our lifetimes!   Yet my tandem partners repeated checking of my harness and calm words about what was going to happen next were oh so welcome.  As we climbed higher and higher so did the butterflies in my stomach…  Deep breath, tightly hold Niki’s hand and put on presentation face… I can do this, I CAN do this….

Niki jumped first – seeing her terror and hearing her fearful cry of ‘this is so scary’ as she dangled on the edge of the plane in free fall position and then a scream as she fell (was pushed) was mortifying and then it was my turn…. We jumped from 10,000 feet, that’s two miles up – yikes!  You free fall for the first 5,000 feet at 120 miles an hour.  The first few seconds of the free fall were quite frankly horrific to a non-adrenalin junkie wimp like me. The speed and spinning until the instructor gets it all under control was way way outside of my comfort zone.  Actually, for a few seconds I literally felt total panic, but then gave myself a stern talking to and determinedly opened my eyes and controlled my fear.  After all, people had kept telling me, I was going to love it – the least I could do was try.  But most importantly I was doing this for a reason.  I didn’t want to let everyone cheering me on across the twitter waves and my colleagues down.

I suddenly remembered the cameraman and tried to look at the views and smile as if this was what I did all the time. Trust me, it’s tough to smile at those speeds with your cheeks flapping attractively! Then, suddenly, a big jolt and the parachute is open pulling you upwards… unexpected serious feelings of nausea ensued but I controlled it and realised how wonderful it felt that we had slowed so much.  Finally it felt under control. The quiet under the parachute canopy is amazing after the loud noise of the wind at 120 miles per hour and the views were clear and spectacular over beautiful countryside.  If I hadn’t felt nauseous at every turn it would probably even have been enjoyable… It was most certainly awesome.

Never Too Young bowel cancer patients

Never Too Young bowel cancer patients

As we ‘floated’ down from 5,000 feet I talked to my instructor about why I was doing it. I told him about Laura and Lesley all the other young patients and their families I know and care about. I told him that even though this absolutely wasn’t my thing I was proud to be facing my fears and doing something.  That I hoped by taking action and raising funds I could make a difference.  I told him how the stories of loss and grief hurt and how moved and humbled I felt by all the support I’d received.  So many people I care about were on that jump with me.   Poor bloke – he was probably expecting small talk about the view and I’m telling him about death, late diagnosis, grief and why it has to stop.  It’s silly but it makes me well up just thinking about it because as I looked out over the beautiful countryside repressing my fear, I wasn’t alone.

Landing is remarkably controlled but I still felt alarmed as the ground got closer and closer and I couldn’t get my legs up – my face in the pics is comical, my anxiety clear for all to see!

Yah! I did it.

Yah! I did it.

Even though I jumped second we were down first and then I had to wait for Niki.  Bless her she was white as a sheet and I felt terrible guilt having persuaded her to sign up.

Relief...

Relief…

I think it’s fair to say we both felt rather emotional, shell shocked and in disbelief about what we had just done.

Did we really just do that?

Did we really just do that?

As we watched someone else land we realised we’d just done something pretty darn amazing… entirely foolish but amazing…

I so want to tell you I loved every minute of skydiving – I feel a bit of a failure that I didn’t. It was genuinely an amazing experience which will always stay with me, but I can’t claim to have ‘enjoyed’ it in a traditional sense of enjoyment.  However as well as the wonderful donations for Bowel Cancer UK, I have gained a lot.  I have a lovely new friend in Niki and a deep sense of pride that together we faced our fears, held our nerves and took action for younger bowel cancer patients.

Neither Niki nor I longed to go up and do it again straight away as we were told we might, yet I would absolutely do it again in a heartbeat if it would make a real difference and help save lives.

Niki & Deborah

PS

Thank you to everyone who has sponsored me… If you haven’t don’t worry you still can!  Justgiving.com/Deborah-Alsina

If you are  new to my blog and would like to find out why I’m taking action by fundraising for younger bowel cancer patients, do visit Bowel Cancer UK’s Never Too Young campaign website pages or simply read the posts in my blog archives.

4 Responses to “Gravity, fear and friendship”

  1. tony levy April 22, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    Well done Deborah great blog and fantastic photos, very proud of you to do such a crazy thing in order to help others. Hope you will be keeping your feet firmly on the ground now!!

  2. Lesley Shannon April 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    Thank you Deborah and Niki for doing the sky dive for @paperdollybird our beautiful 31 year old precious daughter Laura who passed away from bowel cancer diagnosed too late to save her life, spread to both lungs, liver and bones. Laura fought hard for nine months not knowing she was dying and never gave up hope. Deborah you not only supported Laura you support the whole family and continue to do so. This has to stop happening. Laura should be here with me today so thank you both for raising awareness for the #never2young campaign and doing all you can to stop this happening to other young people. Thank you for trying to save lives. You are amazing Lesley x we love you xx

  3. reflectionsonawastedlife April 22, 2013 at 7:09 pm #

    you are just bloody awesome x

  4. Christina Lakin April 24, 2013 at 4:35 pm #

    Well done Deborah – You are amazing. Your report made me feel exactly how it was although I am not going to copy you! Christina

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